Pains of motherhood

Well if I can bring this body back after 3 kids, anyone can! I had kids at 6, 25, and 27. This ol' girl is beat! And yes 6. According to a lady at Kohls, I look like my 21 year old sissy's mother. What is that all about? Come on, are you trying to make me meet up with a train?! AHHHHHH... Ok I'm bringing it

I'm starting a whole body over-haul. From my hair to my toes... back to my high school days. Its sad when you get to the point when you go to the post office in your lounging pants, unmatched shirt, flip flops, greasy hair and of course no make-up. You just don't care. Of course it doesn't help when you live in Plumville and the girl beside you looks worse than you. I told my husband I've gotta start bringing it and he says,"who do you have to impress?" Ok, a little encouragement please. Tell me, " hey ugly, get a bath, put some concealer on those bags, and scrap the baby cereal off your purse.

Ok so my goal for this month is to loose 9lbs. 10 is just pushing it. That will put me in the next set of numbers. Sexy here I come!!!

MY NAME IS VICTOR

I am the CHAMPION!!! Call me Victor.. oh yeah. I lost 9.4 lbs this month which is 5.02% weight lost!! I'm the weiner.

So 2 lbs this week. Not as good as last week but I'll take it. I went to Pittsburgh on Thurs and then shopped. Had a schmagel, flatbread sandwhich, cheese fries, and a couple mini Twix. Wow fatty to fatty. I started a colon cleanse last night. No poop this morning yet. Can't wait! haha

Well mother, Til next week. You better bring it. It's ON...

Don't they know who I am?!!

Fabulous Jessie Rae is not Fabulous because I'm weak and need people to take care of me. I can take care of my own BIDNESS and don't like it when people try to push me! Man I hate people... but I digress.

Anyways, frustration helps my workouts. I have been working out every night. Tonight I was seronated by the sounds of Scarlet passing gas. Very reminisant of my days playing trumpet in the band. Oh her boyfriend will just love that about her. I need to find a way to add weights next. I've been working on abs and butt. I can see a diff already. My upper abs and sides are tightening but God that big jelly pouch!!! Wow how nasty. I believe in owning your flaws, but MAN. I think there are limits. And I think one boob is bigger than the other now too. What are you gonna do.

5 lbs last week. What will it be this week? This Sat is the last weigh in. Well I guess I'll finish watching Days. I'm so tired of Carly. I need cheesy frys

I'm to Sexy

I wake up with anticipation. I make my way to the scale, climb on, and close my eyes. Give my self a moment. I'm so nervous! I actually worked really hard this week. If weight doesn't come off, I'm afraid I'll give up! I open my eyes... I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS SCALE... TOO SEXY IT HURTS!!! 5 LBS LIGHTER. And just then the heavens opened and angels sang. I'm on my way.

My girl scary spice is taking me places.(mel B totally fit work out video). I'm on fire. I put on a skinny shirt today I so proud of my self. I def don't look skinny but I feel skinny. So close your eyes everybody. Don't mind the bagel and muffin top.

Talked to my bff Mary yesterday. Coke is out; crack is in. But warned of tooth decay. Wonder how much each tooth weighs! lol Thank you Mary. Maybe I'll abandon that plan. I need my teeth. Carnival work isn't really my style. Oh well, it doesn't hurt to shoot for the stars.

5 lbs. I am sooo awesome!! Exit Fabulous Jessie Rae

Colonics and coke

New game plan!
Bi-monthly colonics and do coke. I bet I could loose a small child each time. And coke, all the coke whores are skinny. Hmmm... I bet thats why they do it. Note to self: make sure coke makes you skinny. I'd hate to become addicted to the wrong drug. I feel much more relaxed with the new plan. Alot less work. Plus who doesn't feel better after a good poop.

I wonder if one of my sisters would get a colonic with me. Some good ol' sisterly bonding!

Tomorrow dinner with mom and dad. Sabatoge in progress. Just need to pick very fatty meal... maybe that chocolate covered salad... OK sissy, you can stop crying now! Trying to figure out how to make grandma fatter!! Grandma can't be skinnier than mommy.

Did weights tonight instead of treadmill then a lil floor routine with scary spice. I'm fabuloso now. When I drop the weight... whats next. Oh yeah, some more jewelry and some more chores done around this house. LOOK OUT JOSHUA

Oh and found the smell thats been following me around for the past 3 days. Its Scarlet! She was smuggling cheesey milk around in her 3rd chin. Here I only looked in the 1st and 2nd. Maybe I can go 4 days without a shower. I wasn't the smelly one

ewww lala

Slowly she emerges from the treadmill hair swinging, hips swaying. She looks and moves like a latin dancing queen. Cue the sexy construction men whistling.

1 mile on treadmill and a lil floor routine, I go into cardiac arrest. Soooo out of shape. What ever happened to the day when I could run a mile in gym class in about 8 min. Now I walk a mile in almost 20. Oh how age has forsaken me. Things don't start to hang from age. Its children.

I count today a success. Shakira has nothing on me!

kick in the acorn

OMG! still bleeding... too weak to treadmill. Very faint. Need a field IV. I am doing terrible with this new age theory of excersize. Hopefully its just a fad. Kind of like showering, brushing hair/teeth, and clean underwear. Anyone wanna come visit?

Maybe no excersize, but I did eat a salad and some chocolate yesterday which is a start. Cleaned yesterday too. Tristan was awake sooo... Today I cleaned all over again. Just ate a salad and cut up some veggies for a snack. Instead of doing this I should be on the mill. Thank God for this. I am terrible at getting into a program. I have to be thin for the summer. I can't use the same excuse that I used last summer. Getting pregnant so I didn't have to loose weight.

Ok.. getting into some comfy pants, sneakers, and a glass of water. Can someone come kick me in the acorn?

O pos blood needed

I'm loosing blood fast! transfusion needed. I told my husband my last wishes last night just in case. He probably wasn't listening so here they are as follows:

NO WOMEN allowed around my children!
Josh should morn my passing til the day he dies. Which probably will be soon. He will die of a broken heart. Since I'm so fabulous!
Shower me before the paramedics come.(day 3, not so fresh)
I should be sainted. I realize I have to be dead for that.
Mom, you get my children. Sorry I have no life insurance. hahaha

So because of my horrific period, I thought it best not to get on the readmill and bleed out yesterday. Yesterdays weigh in was bad. 2 lbs heavier. I blame it on the period. Sounds good. Headed to town now for healthy food and lots of heavy blood catchers. Not a fan of healthy food. Note to self: check fat content on chocolate covered salad. Josh is working away for the next week to 3 weeks. I should be about 35 lbs lighter by then right? Hmmm... maybe a can do some treadmillin tonight. Mom, your O pos right?

And I'm off!

Enter Fabuloous Jessie Rae on the treadmill. I start out cagie like a panther. I'm off like a shot! Breathing heavy, I look down. 1 calorie burned. Crap... maybe not so cagie!haha Ok so thats not so inspiring, but what is inspiring is the slapping sound of my luscious behind off my back! Note to self...fix that.

So my new years resolution is to loose weight. To get back to ME! I'm already pretty awesome with my shining personality, luscious locks, and amazing boobies! BUT... I do yearn for everything else to fall in line. So mother and I are in a month-to-month challenge!

The challenge:
$25 membership fee
Weigh in Saturday mornings
$1 per lb gained from prior week
Person who looses higher % wins the pot

So far at 1st weigh in, I've lost 4 lbs. Tomorrow is weigh in #2. Probably not going to be so good. I got my first period since having future Miss America, Miss Scarlet Rae!(1month 1 week old) Milk gone, spitting dust. Crap. That was really helping with the weight lose. I guess I'll have to excercise.

Todays workout- hahahaha
1/2 mile on treadmill/ 53 calories burned
then kids woke up. Thank you kids.
Not a great start, but its a start. Any longer and I would have needed oxygen anyway. Hmmm... maybe tonight before bed I'll try again.